How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

What are lawyers good for? They make used car salesmen look good.

What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.

What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer? Chelsea.

What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners; An anvil.

What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar? The pronunciation.

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Why did God create snakes just before lawyers? To practice.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech? A leech quits sucking your blood after you die.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks blood at night.

What's the difference between a lawyer on a Harley and a vacuum cleaner? The vacuum has the dirt bag on the inside.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a pimp? still thinking...

What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue

How can you tell when your lawyer is lying? His lips move.

How do you save a drowning lawyer? Take your foot off his head.

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.

Jury: a collection of people banded together for the purpose of deciding who has hired the better lawyer.

How many in house corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? Who knows, first they have to hire outside corporate attorneys to tell them.

How many defense attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?

How many divorce attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? It only takes one divorce attorney to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? Three -- one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.